I’ve been thinking…
Hey it has to happen every once in a while!
Seriously, I’ve been having this kind of firestorm going on in the back of my head when I eat, watch TV, fiddle on the net, exercise, plan for my return to the world of dance, sleep, tinkle…
Uhmmm was that TMI? It has been going on for about two or three weeks now and it came to a head (kinda sorta) in yesterday’s blog post.
There is lots of debris flying around in that thought typhoon: stress about my finances, the challenges that lie ahead, the reality that the road is going to be tough, that my life is about to change yet again, uncertainty, angst. Now toss in a new found political awareness and activism, frustration that the system, the environment, and so many factors seems rigged against people trying to better themselves.
A huge chunk of that inner thought tornado is the difficulty in conveying why when “I went to the grocery store and to my storage unit today” should be received by the listener with the same respect as someone saying “I just ran a marathon in record time.” — more on that in a later post. For now, please accept it as one tiny line of paint to be included in a much larger painting. A thread in a larger tapestry.
However, there is a center. A “core” to that whirling maelstrom inside my brain.
In every case, somehow it all comes back around to WORDS!.
And how inadequate they sometimes are. How easily they can be misunderstood and the meaning behind the words lost when they come from me to another person.
Words and the inadequacy of “words.” How they can either soar and convey with perfect clarity emotions and thoughts or they can plumment horribly and thud into the ground, like bricks falling from a workman’s scaffold, creating the most awful mess!
Here, on this blog, on any blog, the words are both the solution and the problem. How to use them? Which ones to use? Do I write about this or that? Share this bit or that bit? If writing about that bit then “how?” In what way? Get the idea?
Let’s break it down a little; use those words to illustrate:
Here I am in Dallas, sitting in my room (which needs desperately to be neatened, dusted, and cleaned up). Over in one corner is a shirt and a pair of pants that need to be thrown into the laundry hamper which is itself overflowing. On my futon are my pillows from last night, and the sheets from last night which really should have been neatly folded and put into the closet for the day, but weren’t. The futon is still in it’s “inclined” night-time sleeping position instead of being moved to it’s upright “day-time” couch position.
Right next to my desk I have a stack of three boxes and a stack of two boxes. These boxes are detritus from my storage unit which I’m slowly working through: sorting, selling on CraigsList, tossing in the trash OR giving away the enclosed “junk” and “stuff” to the local resale shop which benefits the LGBT community called “Out of the Closet.” Watch for the return of my “online garage sale” as I work my way through that pile and the much larger pile-o-clutter that I need to get OUT of my house!
I have a half finished diet soda on my desk (which I really swore I would not be drinking any more of… …I should be switching to green tea instead). My desk is as cluttered as my mind. Lots of stuff left in mid project, bits of this and bits of that.
Yer basic slice-o-Tony’s Life in fifty words or less…
About those words…
Random bits of “good news“
OK folks, I have NOT had my morning coffee so this may end up being a bit of “free association”
HOWEVER… I wanted to share a random assortment of things that have happened in the past little while that are AWESOME.
So in no particular order…
My blood glucose number was 119 this morning…
…well below the 130 max my doctor has set for my “fasting” level. “Fasting” means “just before breakfast” YAY!
I woke up this morning at a teeny tiny bit just past 9 am.
Yes, you read that correctly. OMG! Of course it probably helped that I went to bed last night around 11-ish. But this is unusual for me. My normal range is 2am – 10/11 am.
And recently, over the past month and a half, I’ve not been able to get to sleep until 4 or 5 or 6 am after which I sleep 8-10 hours and wake up waaaaaaaayyyy after the “day” has started for most folks,
So… getting up at 9am where I’d really LIKE my wake up time to be so this is great. YAY!
And this has been the case now for almost an entire week! So my sleep patters may be shifting back to the “typical norm” YAY!
I went to my doctor yesterday…
…and I had dropped 8 lbs from my last visit to her office. YAY!
I had gone to her because I have ringing in my ears. She is trying a couple of things and said she’ll send me to a specialist if the stuff she is trying doesn’t work and stop the ringing within a couple of weeks. YAY!
Since I was there anyway, she went ahead and did the “follow up” stuff — monitoring my diabetes and high blood pressure and weight management stuff.
I showed her my chart from the blood glucose testing meter and I’ve been 95% within the target range that she has set for my blood sugar. She was all happy about that! Woot!
And the reason this “doctor stuff” is unqualified “good news” is because thanks to President Obama and thousands of people who worked very hard to pass and protect the ACA, I am under medical care. Before qualifying for the ACA subsidiy I would have just ignored the ringing in my ears, and my diabetes and … well you get the picture. Health insurance is good. YAY!
Not having health insurance. BAD. – not “yay”
AND this is “good news” because when I called up to make the appointment, she said that she would bill me for the $20 copay. She said I could pay it after the first of the month when I get my pension check. Which is awesome because if she had not said that I would have not been able to go.
My checking balance, the day before yesterday, on Monday, when I called her to make the appointment, was sitting at 67 cents. Yes, under a dollar. So having a doctor who cares more about getting me in to see her when I need care than about making me wait to get that $20 copay is a good thing! A very good thing.
YAY!!! in fact DOUBLE YAY!
Slllluuuurrrrppppp…… Ahhhhhhhhhhh — first sip of coffee.
There is no way the caffeine can have hit your system yet, but the taste buds let the rest of the body know that the fix is on its way…
By the way, the cute cat clutching a mug of coffee over to the right is one of my designs from my store: TxCowboyDancer Designs (yes this is a shameless plug) — but check it out when you get a chance. 🙂
My doctor also ordered a standard 3 month blood work panel…
Life is lookin’ good!
Just a quick rundown of some great things that have been happening to me over the past few days… Woot! Uh-huh! YeeHaw!
- I’ve been feeling a LOT better, more energy, moving around easier, more active.
- I am now within spittin’ distance of 300 lbs! Woot! This will be a major milestone, just a few more pounds!! Yay!
- I’ve started planning for next year’s “Dance Competition Season” Woot! Check out my updated Calendar to see which events I think I’ll be attending… — I’ve started looking at dances and music for next year. I’ve already been invited to perform in the Saturday night show at the Texas Hoedown in March! Thank you Virginia for the invite! I start rehearsals on Monday. It will so good to get back into the studio!
- My Blood Glucose levels are mostly within the target range. My big challenge is taking my meds on a regular schedule. My sleep cycle keeps messing up my “take the meds” time. *sigh* but it is getting better! Progress! Not Perfection! Woot!
- I’ve been cleaning out old files on my computer, sorting them, deleting them, renaming and organizing the ones I need/want to keep.
- And over the past few days, I’ve had a sudden surge of folks buying stuff off of my design store: TxCowboyDancer Designs! Woot! Uh-huh! It really does make me feel good when something I created is bought by someone who thinks highly enough of it to lay out some cold hard cash. Even at a measly 10% commission. But hey, I ain’t gonna turn it down! Woot!Here is the current “Top Dozen” most popular designs on my site:
- Also in the “graphic design” front, one of my very favorite designs was purchased this week *and* it appears in the Top 12 for the first time! Woot! It is a photo I took when I visited Banff, just outside of Calgary, Canada. I fell in love. I actually checked job listings at their local library when I got back home to Texas. Alas, there were no openings. *sigh* Here is the photo for your enjoyment (or if you wanna buy something with it on it, well that works too!) LOL
I mean, I’m not a pro photographer by any stretch of the imagination, but sometimes you get lucky… *sigh* I wish I could go back….
- And, finally, I’ve noticed over the past few days that I am more flexible, I’m able to reach and twist more that I could a month ago. Life is good.
307.4 lbs!!!! OMG!
Did I mention that my weight today on the scale was 307.4 lbs? I did, oh, then that’s it . I now return you to your normally scheduled…
BUT WAIT! 307.4!!!! Didchagetthat?!?!
That, my dear readers, is LESS THAN 310!!!!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!
I do declare I may faint from happiness! The vapors; the VAYpoors…. I haz tha VAYpoor…. Swoooooooon
[yes, the image of a hairy balding 50 something white dude swooning
like an old time silent film star is going to be stuck in your head for the rest of the day]
But I haven’t seen 310 in AGES! let alone been UNDER 310 — that, my friends, is swoon worthy!
THIS IS HUGE (pardon the pun)
COLLOSUL… COLLOSEL ? COlluseaoul?
REALLY REALLY BIG!
Darn you spell check! You failed me when I needed you most! How do you spell that word anyway!
For those of you keeping count. That makes my total weight loss just a teeny bit under 25 lbs — close enough to round to 25!!!
Woot! Uh-huh! WHO da man? Huh? WhoseYerDaddy?!! Take THAT foul fatness!
Why the sudden and dramatic downward trend?
Dude, I’m doin’ drugs.
Don’t getcher panties in a twist. They are legal “diabetic” drugs. But because my body is starting to behave the way it should, it is no longer sending FEED ME messages all the time
Which means that I’m not eating as much.
Which means that I’m using the abundant supplies of food I have stored in the subcutaneous and intramuscular spaces in my body and TAH DAH! WEIGHT LOSS!
Whew! I’m worn out! I need a cigarette. Well not really, but you get the gist… wink wink
Did I mention I weighed 307.4 lbs today? Oh, I did, ok then.
See ya on the dance floor!
Yes, I’m aware that it ain’t gonna be easy…
…but for the first time in a VERY long time I am optimistic that I will actually get fit, healthy and dance again! What’s that? Do I hear the teeming masses asking “But why do feel this way Tony?” I thought I did… 😀
Brace yourself, you’re about to enter Tony’s brain…. where you’ll see a chain of thought that will mystify and amaze you!
But first because I’m in SUCH a good mood, I’m going to give you the “short version” — I’m going to tell you the ROOT SOURCE of all this awesome positiveness:
The diabetes medications I’ve been taking for a little over two weeks now are working.
Which means I’m not as hungry all the time.
Which means I’m loosing weight.
Which means I’m feeling better, both physically and psychologically.
I’m moving more. I have more energy. This morning, I saw a number on my scale that I’ve NOT seen in a long time… [drumroll please] … 310 lbs! Yay me!
One of the most frustrating things over the past couple years has been working to get fitter and healthier and NOT seeing any friggin results!
Who knew that there was this underlying obstacle called “diabetes” which had to be dealt with first BEFORE my hard work would produce? Well, now I know. Now the meds are doing their job. Now I’m working at getting fit. And best of all… …Now I am seeing results. Life is good.
About that tour of my brain…. heh he he heh
I updated my Event Calendar / Schedule
You can clicky click on SCHEDULE any time up in the menu at the top of my blog from any page in my blog. Or if you are really not into scrolling you can click this awesome link I put here just because I like you: SCHEDULE / CALENDAR
I have spent most of today updating my calendar, looking at the events listed on the IAGLCWDC website, the UCWDC site, the ACDA site, and the World OutGames site, evaluating them, looking at the dates and considering costs, timing, etc.
Toss in a few side trips to AmTrack, to Southwest Airlines, Eurorail and American Airlines, well you kinda get the picture of what I’ve been doing since I got up: day dreaming about competing in dance again!
Well, not really day dreaming, exactly.
Let’s be generous and call it “long range planning” and “goal setting” and “motivational imagery.”
I love that last one… “motivational imagery.” Sounds cool don’t it?
When setting goals you need two kinds: Read the rest of this entry