Ok, confession time, I feel awful right now.  As in this second. 

Right this very minute! 

Why do I suddenly feel like I’m on the set of Mame and everybody is about to break into a round of “We need a little Christmas?”  Hmmm….

But I digress…

I didn’t sleep very well last night at all.  I went to bed on time, 11:30pm and my alarm was set for 6:30am.  (Allow me to insert a momentary aside…after much thought and evaluation of my daily routine and weekly work schedule, I decided that if I wanted to be consistent in when I go to bed and get up, that (1) 7 hours of sleep is the most that I can count on as a consistent routine thing; and (2) I forget what two was.  I need more coffee.)

But I digress…

So, I went to bed with the best of intentions, where I fall asleep and promptly begin my nightly ritual of tossing, snoring, wake up, fall back asleep, tossing, snoring, wake up, fall back asleep, and so on and so on and so on.

Finally.. this morning around 4:45 I wake up, and I mean WIDE AWAKE.  Not just one of those “wake up momentarily, peek bleary eyed at the clock, moan, roll over and go back to sleep kind of moments.”  We’re talking “WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaOOOOOOGGGGGAAAA” “Battle Stations!  Alert!  Alert!  Klingon Ship detected kind of AWAKE!”

My first thought, which I actually verbalized, was “What day is it?” It’s Tuesday in case you didn’t know that.

So, I get up, start coffee, 8 cups, double the normal amount and start being productive and I’m actually getting a lot done.  But…  I.  Am.  Exhausted.  And down.  Blue.  Probably mostly fatigue but whatever it is, it don’t feel so good.

What I wouldn’t give for a good night’s sleep.  I KNOW that I’m now doing the right things to remedy the situation:

• Doing a serious spring cleaning (taking a while because it’s been a while) to de-dust the room.
• Getting new allergy covers for the bed.
• Dry cleaning the curtains and comforter,
• Working to lose the weight,
• Looking into a dental appliance my dance partner told me about (Can’t do the CPA thing.  It doesn’t work for me)
• Etc, etc, etc,  If you really want all the gory detail, read more in my posts on Pillows, and Getting Healthy is complicated… …and it takes sleep, if you can get it.

So here I sit… jus a sec…got to get more coffee…

Back.  Sllllluuuurrrrrrrpppp.  Aaaaaahhhhhhh  OMG!  I am so hooked.  Call the Betty Clinic!  But I digress…

So, here I sit, Awake.  Productive?  Yes?   But I’m feeling very down.  Probably just fatigue pulling my mood downward, but nonetheless, I’m feeling blue.  So I’m typing all this to remind myself, that I am moving forward.  That I am doing the right things.  Not that I’m an angel or anything but, let’s recap some of the positive things I’ve done over the past couple days:

• Made progress in de-cluttering the room.
• Made my bed this morning (second day in a row!)
• Ate normal sized plate of food on Christmas Day.
• Went by Whole Foods last night on the way home to get the final bits of food for Week One of the Jenny Craig Menu which I start today.  Woo Hoo!
• Started my 11:30 – 6:30 sleep schedule; not a habit yet, but I started it.
• Threw away the package of Hostess Zingers that I bought in a weak moment.  Yes, I bought them without thinking when the clerk said “There’s a $3 minimum to use your credit card.”  I grabbed the closet thing to the register.  Then when I got to the truck (my new truck, my new baby) I looked at them and said “WTF was I thinking?”  I tossed them when I got home.  Felt guilty about it; I should have taken them to work and put them in the staff kitchen as a “freebie.”
• The past two evenings I’ve been tempted by the Diet Coke that my roommate has in the frig.  But I’ve drunk my green tea instead.
• I threw out the business card for Amico’s Pizza & Pasta, a little hole-in-the-wall take out Italian place that has YUMMY food. I won’t be needing it because I’m eating at home now.
• I only missed one day this past week in my morning “take my meds” routine.  Not really all meds, mostly vitamins.

So, dear readers, all 1 of you actually reading this, I’m doing better.  I’m no saint, but slowly the momentum is changing.  When your bad habits are pulling you along like a speeding bus headed down the mountainside with no brakes and no super hero in sight to “save the day”, it takes a lot of counter energy to kill that negative downward momentum.  And then it takes a hell of a lot more energy to get the bus headed the other way.  Especially since the nuns and orphans in the bus aren’t doing much but screaming their fool heads off.  It would be much more helpful if they’d get out and push!   (Yes, my brain really does work like that with weird images and thoughts just popping out all over the place.  Usually I keep them to myself.  Which is why I still have friends and haven’t been locked up someplace with nice padded walls.  But now I get to type them here on this blog for the whole world to see and it isn’t “weird” it’s “creative.”  Don’tcha just love the Internet?)

But I digress….

I’m doing better; I’m making better choices.  Eventually those conscious choices will become habits.  I. Can. Do. This.  One little thing at time.  Let the revelling commence!

Bravo! Woo Hoo!  Yippee!  Yeeeeeeeeeeeee  Hawwwwww.

Now where did I put my coffee?  😉

See ya on the dance floor!

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