Welcome to the premiere post in what will be an ongoing, occasional, series.  I’m calling this category of posts:

“TMI Tidbits“
as in
Too Much Information

Yes, dear readers, you are correct, you should, indeed, fasten your seat belts and brace yourself!  For I am going where other blogs fear to tread; all in the pursuit of science, and the accurate reporting of my own ever so humble journey to fitness and health.

Ranging from funny, through weird, all the way to “pushing the boundaries of the socially acceptable,”  you will experience it all, as the series continues.

So, without further ado, I offer, for your education, edification, elucidation, and entertainment this episode of…

…Tony’s TMI Tidbits
Enjoy!

Ways to tell when you are out of shape:

• Carrying two bags of groceries up the stairs shouldn’t leave one puffing like one just ran a marathon.  (Hey if two bags of groceries can stress my heart and lungs like that, I don’t EVEN want to think about what a little nookie might do!  I’m just sayin’…)
  ..
• I break into a sweat while vacuuming the bedroom.  Friend, that just ain’t right on so many levels!
  ..
• Directions for tying one’s shoe:
  • THE CORRECT WAY: (what most people do)
    1. While seated in a chair bend forward smoothly from the waist.
    2. Reach down without straining and take hold of the laces.
    3. Tie them neatly into a bow.
    ..
  • THE WRONG WAY:   “Wrong” as in “that’s wrong” as in “That just ain’t right!”
    And we will NOT discuss why I am able to delineate the complete procedure!
    Ok?  Moving on…
    1. While still in briefs, put shoes onto the bed.
    2. Put on pants but don’t zip or button them yet.
    3. Hold pants in place by the belt loops.
    4. Sit in chair strategically located next to the bed.
    5. Release belt loops on pants.
    6. Reach down and grab the fabric of the LEFT pants leg just below the knee.
    7. Pull on the fabric of the pants so that the leg of the pants act like a sling and brings the left leg and foot high enough so that you can grab the ankle with the right hand.
    8. With a firm grip on the ankle, switch hands so that the left hand is holding the left ankle.
    9. Now use the right hand to grab the left shoe from the bed.
    10. Slide it onto the foot.
    11. Prop the left ankle onto the right knee.
    12.  With the right knee now supporting the foot and ankle to keep it within reach, take hold of the laces.
    13.  Tie them neatly into a bow.
    14.  Catch your breath.  And take this brief moment of rest to TRY and not let the fact that the bow isn’t centered but is in fact all the way off to one side because of the weird angle that your foot and ankle is in, propped on the knee like that, bother you too much.  After all you’ve been doing it this way for a while.  You should be used to how it looks.
    15. Double knot the bow.  Why?  Because you do NOT want those laces to come undone in the middle of the work day and have to ask someone to tie your shoe for you because you can’t reach them by bending over.
    16. Take the ankle off the knee and let the foot thump to the floor.
    ..
    17. Go to step #6 and repeat for the other shoe.
    ..

I hope you enjoyed this walk on the wild and weird side.

Let me know what you thought, and don’t be shy!  Send me your own weird and twisted thoughts–I’d love to hear them.  🙂

Plus, one guy talking about the difficulties in tying his shoes is just weird.

A dozen discussing the topic is a support group!  😉

See ya on the dance floor!