Author Archives: Tony New (TxCowboyDancer)
What’s up Doc? Quick Medical Report…
This really will be short… and to the point.. and with minimal drama..
Promise! Yes, oh dear readers, I can do a no-drama post, I just prefer not to do so… LOL
I am pretty sure I’ve blogged about not having any health insurance and not being able to afford health care…
Well thanks to the Affordable Care Act, what most folks call Obamacare (hisssssss a name I really hate), I now have insurance.
Bravo to the Obama Administration and to all the folks who worked on getting this in place.
Boooooo! Hisssssss to Blue Cross Blue Shield for taking so long to get my account set up so that I could actually USE the insurance!
Well, Monday was my first visit to the doctor in a long time. I had quite the laundry list. Here is the brief version.
- I have a torn rotator cuff in my left shoulder. I injured it over a year ago, but had no idea what was going on in there. The doc gave me exercises to do. I’ll start doing them this weekend. I need to read up online about the injury and what to do about it, now that I know what it is.
This is a HUGE thing. I had no idea what was the cause of the injury and when it first occurred, it was a major factor in why I stopped dancing and going to the studio to practice. I couldn’t dance with the arm not functional. No matter how I tried to “baby” the arm, any dance moment caused associated movement in the shoulder and arm and caused excruciating pain. Now that I know the cause I can work on making it better through self applied physical therapy and exercises. If the exercises don’t work then I can ask my doctor for a referral to a Physical Therapist or to have a MRI done.I now have options. I can move forward. This is a HUGE deal! Woot! Happy Dance in progress!
.. - My blood pressure medication prescription has been renewed. I just picked up the Rx so I can now start taking it again. My blood pressure was a little high but now that I’m back on the meds, that should improve. It should improve better as my body starts to get used to the idea that I’m going to be exercising on a regular basis.
.. 
I got my depression medication prescription renewed and I just picked it up. I’ve been out of the drug for about 5 weeks now. I’ll start taking it again which should help things. And my doctor is setting me up a referral to visit a specialist to be evaluated to see if the medication needs to be adjusted. My unprofessional layman’s opinion is that it does. To me it seems that it is not as effective now as it was when I first started taking it over 2 years ago, in late 2011.
..- I got a renewal for my allergy medication which is a BIG deal. I am allergic to dust and dust mites.
I know this because I had the allergy panel done about 3 years ago and that was the result. Having the medication is very important because, for some reason the neighborhood that I live in seems to be the most dusty place I’ve ever lived! During the day things are not so bad but at night, my entire sinus / nasal passages become clogged up.
The tissues swell and there is icky stuff clogging the remaining space. Add in the complications presented by being a person of some size… *sigh* and you have a very unpleasant situation.
Without the medication, I wake up several times a night gasping and coughing and unable to breathe.
With the medication, I’m able to breathe MUCH easier and I’m able to get a more restful sleep. A more restful sleep means more energy (both mental and physical) in the day and more energy in the day means I’m more likely to exercise which means a positive feedback loop is established! Yay! Woot! Doing a happy dance!
.. - A couple of prescription creams and ointments for minor skin stuff like rashes, athletes feet, blemishes, etc got refilled; The pharmacy was out of them and they are on order, so I’ll pick them up tomorrow. I had switched to over the counter medications for these things but the prescription strength stuff is WAY more effective.
I realize that in the grand scheme of things, these are minor issues. However, they are important in the sense that I’ll feel better having these issues taken care of, and treated, which will make me feel better about myself which will improve my overall quality of life which feeds into the whole positive energy feedback loop thingie which contributes to moving me out of the abyss and toward health and fitness.
So there you have it. A moderately brief update on how the doctor’s appointment went.
Yay! Yippeee! Happy Dance! Can we say “forward progress!?” Yeppers! We can!
See ya on the dance floor (eventually)
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Sharing with the World: “Stuff that makes me Blush…” (Part Two of ???)
The saga continues…
If you are jumping into the middle of this series then be sure to go back and read Part One.
Things will make a lot more sense that way.
I feel like there should be a voice over. like those you see on TV shows that have an ongoing story line… Kinda like the Game of Thrones… At the beginning of every episode, the dude you never ever see but who has that wonderful deep voice and starts out saying “Previously on …”
Yesterday, actually around 2 am this morning, on Wed, I presented you with two thoughts / concepts:
- My body, is NOT happy with my most recent determination to become fit and healthy and to enable myself to dance again.
.. - As a writer of a blog about fitness and health; as a writer telling the story of one persons journey toward fitness and health, starring well “Moi”, I am faced with an ongoing question about just how much to share. And right now I’ve reached a point where, in order to further the “story” of my journey, I am about to go past my comfort zone and share what to me is embarrasing.
We will assume that the deep voiced dude that you never ever see is finished with the voice over and that ya’ll are caught up — And this episode is beginning:
So.. here it is.. In plain ANGLISH as it were…
I am out of shape.
Disgustingly out of shape.
I am NOT fit.
I am NOT healthy.
Even though I understand that there are reasons for why I am where I am,
the bottom line is that I,
me,
Moi,
the spirit that inhabits this suit of flesh…
I, have become so out of shape that every day simple tasks are herculean efforts!
I didn’t used to be this way. But there it is. I am a blob.
I am inhabiting a mass of muscle and bone and blood and I find it difficult to well,
. . . uhmmmmmm. . . MOVE!
At all.
EVERY movement is difficult for me. EveryTHING I do is difficult. And, I do mean EVERYTHING!!! Even sitting and typing or using the computer causes my arms to ache after a while. Showering is difficult, doing laundry is difficult, cooking a meal is difficult, going to the store or running errands or filling up the truck with gas . . . Standing or walking for longer than 10-15 minutes at a time causes my lower back to hurt and my knees and my legs and.. well you get the idea.
The oh-so-sad truth is that right now, for me, the following counts as exercise:
- Doing a load of laundry
- Cooking a meal
- Taking a shower and getting dressed
- basically any activity that involves moving for 10 minutes or more is a workout.
- Taking out the trash
- Going to the grocery store.
- Going to the drug store.
- Running any kind of errand.
After doing ONE of these things, my heart is racing. My chest is heaving. I’m out of breath. I am flushed. And I need to rest. After 10-15 minutes; after going down then coming back up one flight of stairs…
I.
Need.
To.
REST!
because I just did a workout.
And it is EMBARRASSING! I hate that I’m like this. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to get like this. I kick myself for it an beat myself up for it mentally and and and…….. Aaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!
and, frankly I don’t want to admit it in public to anyone.
That’s why I’ve kinda sorta “vanished” from sight… Because honestly, in complete candor, I don’t want people who knew me when I could dance for hours and shut down the ballroom or shutdown the Roundup, to see just how bad things have gotten.
I mean, come on! I’m a Eight- Time- Friggin- World- Champion! for gawds sake! But I don’t look like it any more. I certainly don’t FEEL like it anymore. I can not call myself a dancer any more – at least not in a physical sense.
And I don’t want people to know just how bad it’s gotten.
BUT… things have changed —
…some sort of mental switch has flipped. I don’t understand exactly why and I don’t really care why — the important thing is that it has FLIPPED!
I realize that before others believe that switch has flipped, they’ll have to see the results. And that will take time.
I also know that I’m embarking on a very VERY VERY extremely difficult path. And I know that the hardest part will be what at first glance seems to be the easiest: the stuff at the beginning.
And I know that in order for me to move forward, well people have to know.
The thought occurs to me that what I am facing now, and, what I’m doing by professing all this to the world, may be something akin to doing step the first bits of a twelve step program.
I don’t know for certain, but from what little bits I’ve heard about how these programs work, is first you have to (1) admit you have a problem (2) then you have to profess that problem to the people around you I could be wrong. I’ll research it later and share what I find…
BUT.. I know that if I am to achieve my goals then I have got to share all of my story, even the bits that make me blush.
I don’t want to… but I am . . .
…because I am now absolutely pissed off at myself…
AND because I truly devoutly miss dancing…
AND because I hope that this blog (all kidding aside) does indeed one day turn into a “before & after” “how he did it” story sorta like Jared the Subway guy.
In my wilder flights of fancy, I do envision myself using this material in writing a book about my experiences, then it is important that I share some of that embarrassing stuff.
AND because I “do better” when I have an audience, whether it be real or imagined — it doesn’t seem to matter; if I think I’m “performing,” uhhhhmmm, then well, I perform. LOL @ myself!
Hey, we all have character flaws.. (get it? “character” flaw a “character” well “performs” in a… never mind…)
AND…
AND…
I want credit for doing what at first glance seems “ordinary normal day-today things” because for me right now they are not ordinary. They are not normal. They are not day-to-day. They take effort and planning and strength of character and perseverance and actually doing them COUNTS AS A FRIGGIN ACHIEVEMENT! As meeting a goal.
Folks, don’t slam me for this comparison, please, but I wonder if this is how an alcoholic or drug addict feels?
For such a person, every single day sober is a victory. Every single time “saying no” is a victory that should be recognized. There is a parallel — for me, every moment of movement longer than I did the day before is a victory. Every time I eat healthy sized portions or whatever “IT” may be that is positive then that is a friggin victory and should be recognized as such even if I’m the only one doing the celebrating!
PLUS…
I would really like for you folks reading this to send me warm fuzzies and positive comments and applause and “attaboys” and kudos to help keep me moving forward.
At least at first.
I know that in the final analysis that this is a battle that I have to face on my own. I know that it will be a battle that is largely unseen, but right now, at the kickoff, at the beginning, well… warm fuzzies would be really really nice.
The beginning is a tricky time; a critical time. I know from personal experience how quickly one can become sidetracked and thrown off course and well, defeated.
I don’t want that to happen. I really need a support group and for now, well you, my dearest readers, are it….
To do this… to make all “this” to really work this time round, for me to succeed, I need help. Wherever I can get it. From my friends, from my readers; from everyone.
I need all of you guys to understand that when I write in my blog and say something like:
“I did laundry today”
That task is not some simple mundane curiosity, a mere routine chore, a passing thought, a whisp of activity.
No!
It is a frigging OCCASION! It is a monumental ACHIEVEMENT! It is a goal met!
It is something that should be applauded and recognized for what it is, the product of a MAJOR FRIGGIN FFFin EFFORT on my part!!!!!
It is in every sense of the word. Exercise!
An educational moment
— depression in men isn’t discussed in the media as often as depression in women so dearest readers, this may be news for you. It was for me:
I learned an interesting thing when I first started reading about the “signs” or symptoms of depression in men: Depression in men often manifests itself as anger and aggression.
Being, basically a nice guy, at least in my own mind, I see things like anger and aggression as NEGATIVE things.
Things which I do not really wish to display, either in person or in my writing.
So when I find myself saying or typing things like “MAJOR FRIGGIN FFin EFFORT” well that is a big deal and it is a symptom of the depression rearing its ugly head.
MOST of the time, as I type them an they appear on the screen in front of me, I go back and take them out. I mean, there are choices in how to present things and well why make you guys suffer through poor choices?
But not in this post. I want them there. Because it makes a point. It adds emphasis.
I want my readers to understand just how REAL this is to me. In other words I’m not trying to put a happy face on things for the sake of lighthearted entertainment.
My goal is to give anyone reading this a real honest to goodness taste of the kind of stuff that is running through my head.
Because what is running through my head cycles into what I do with my body
which cycles into what goes through my head
which..
well I think you get the idea.
So…
…right now, because of the awful combination of all too frequent bouts of depression combined my truly disgusting awful terribly low level of fitness, means that
quote-unquote “normal things” that most folks do every day
are just not “normal things” for me. Each one is a goal that has to be set, a task for which one must gird one’s loins and put forth maximum effort in order to achieve.
And as a reminder, I’m sure I’ve mentioned that currently (in regards to the whole dealing with depression thing) I am in a “GOOD PHASE” right?
The bad phases were the months where nothing was posted to this blog. It wasn’t pretty. Trust me on this. I know. I was there. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THERE AGAIN.
And that dearest readers is where we are going to leave it for today.
Almost…
One final thought…
As I write this I’m experiencing something of a relief. I feel as if I don’t have to pretend anymore that “things are going great..”
No, they are not going great. But I feel as if they are going “better”
Watch for part three tomorrow morning on the 8th…See ya on the dance floor (eventually)
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This “Getting Fit and Healthy” thing is gonna kill me! (Part one of ???)
Right now… my body is saying “WTF?!!!”
My torso (lower back and abs) right now are having pretty much a full on “Angry Mob” kinda thing going on!!!!!
Brace yourself…
I’m going to bring you into my world…
eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkk slam
Ok, now that the strong among you have decided to not run shrieking from the room…. and those who headed for the exits have closed the door behind them….
Right now I am in pain. As in I’ve taken drugs and I’m icing it down kind of pain and I really really wish it would stop kind of pain.
My lower back and my lower abs are literally clenching and hurting and doing the whole spasm thing.. Earlier, I had to ask my room mate to help me get out of my chair (more on that in a bit)
Literally. I needed help to stand up and get of of a chair. I’m being dead serious here folks! I. Could. Not. Stand. Up!
And you know that when I’m being literal, with no added drama, then the actual real “facts on the ground” are pretty darned dramatic all by themselves!
I think that my new efforts toward health and fitness are creating an uproar in my body…!!!!!
The never ending dilemma of a blogger / writer…
The never ending question;
the quandary, the puzzle, the issue
that every blogger, indeed every writer, always faces is
“What should I include?”
In my case… I’m writing a blog about “health, fitness, and my personal pursuit of those goals”
which means that I HAVE to share SOME personal details with…
Uhmmm…. well, not to put too fine a point on it, … with YOU fine folks who are reading this
But how much should I share? Obviously I need to share enough in order for the readers to “follow the story” But how much is “enough” and how much is “too much” and what should never be mentioned?
It is a juggling act. And for the most part my “rule of thumb” is “would I tell this story among casual acquaintances?” Which is a pretty good rule of thumb to follow.
Now that at first glance doesn’t seem too bad or difficult. However, now I find myself in a place, where in order for the readers, like yourself, to “follow the story” I have to share bits and pieces which I would rather not share. Details which describe a “story” that thousands have experienced and thousands have blogged about and about which books have been written and careers have been made and talk show hosts have broadcast.
So what’s the big deal? Well, this is MY story. MY gory details! This is ME we are talking about. Details that are not flattering in any way.
[CUE THE FORBIDDING MUSIC]
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Random thoughts from my Walk in the Park
I partook in the “activity that shall not be named…”
Yes, the evil e-word!
I’m really really tired at the moment so here is a very brief series of random thoughts about today’s walk.
- Runkeeper does not work that well at tracking location when you don’t have “true GPS.” It attempts to use the closest WiFi network and establish your location but …
- According to RunKeeper I walked over 2 miles. Yeh, RIGHT! try more like 1/2 miles. (see below)
- I saw a dead snake.
- I saw an empty water bottle that someone threw on the grass instead of the trashcan. I was too tired to bend over and pick it up so it is still there.
- So is the dead snake.
- I am TIRED.
- I may have to have two rest days before my next walk. Starting out at the BEGINNING I was waddling, limping, and moving slow. The climb up the stairs to my apartment was NOT FUN AT ALL.
- My feet are throbbing right now. Literally throbbing.
- My lower back is not too happy with me either.
- My knees though don’t seem to be having any issues.
- My legs are sore – very sore
- There are some VERY cute guys in my neighborhood… and no, I’m never too tired to notice a cute guy… if I don’t check out the guy, then check my pulse and breathing to make sure I’m still on this side of the pearly gates.
- I met one of my neighbors. She’s an OU fan. Actually she married into an OU family. His truck is red / Maroon. Go figure. (I was wearing my OU cap which is why the subject came up)
- The lock on the pedestrian entrance in the security fence needs to be lubricated. It is very stiff. SNORT. I said “lubricated” and “stiff” in the same sentence. LOL
- I need to get a duplicate key made (for the pedestrian gate door thingie) The same key that opens that gate also unlocks the laundry room. I don’t want to loose the laundry room key and have to ask mgmt for another.
- Plus, since I have my house key on one key ring and the laundry key on another well I’m carrying two keyrings. If I get the duplicate gate key made then I can add it to the duplicate/spare house key that has become my “carry it with me when I’m walking key”
- I’m using my Club Bolo Key ring which is WAY COOL! “Howdy de Texas mon Club Bolo amis de Montréal”
- I really do live on the side of a friggin hill. And the park is downhill from the apartment. Ugh.
- My back is twinging. I think I need to take some tylenol or advil or something.. which one is better for muscles? Yes, friends, walking just 1/2 mile did this. I’m out of shape remember?
BUT…
I …
FRIGGIN …
DID IT!!!
Applause! I demand accolades and Atta boys and flower petals threwn in my direction. (Is “threwn” a word?) My spell check doesn’t think so.. But I’m overruling it
Definitely need that Tylenol…
See ya on the dance floor . . .
. . . EVENTUALLY when my body can handle it, but IT will happen.
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I am *NOT* going to exercise . . .
. . . I’m going to have fun!
NEWSFLASH!
I do not like to exercise.
Actually that probably puts me in the middle of the majority of the world’s population.
HOWEVER…
there are things that I like to do, that I actually ENJOY, that COULD be called exercising.
Huh? I hear the teeming masses cry out in confusion?
Ah, dear readers, intrepid blog followers and the two second cuzins on my mom’s side who were forced to subscribe to my blog, well, let me elaborate.
You knowI like elaborating… giggle
Exercise – Defined – by the “book” as it were…
1. : regular or repeated use of a faculty or bodily organ
— merriam-webster.com
Special note… For all the guys reading this… YES, my mind immediately thought of THAT too! But somehow, I don’t think the repeated and frequent use of THAT particular organ counts… something about not lasting long enough… But hey if it works for ya… who am I to stand in the way…
So… seeking something more than a mere definition, I “googled” and found … these three articles out on the Interwebz:
- Every minute of physical activity really does count, new study shows (today.com/health)
- Do We Get Enough Exercise From Our Daily Activity? (24hourfitness.com)
- What Is Physical Activity? (nih.gov)
Which seems to indicate that ANY movement is better than NO movement! Indeed, way back in the day we actually didn’t need a special category of movement called “Exercise” because ALL movement was exercise.
You could, if you have oodles of time, read those BORING, articles but why bother when I can ‘splain thangs way better:
Tony’s Definition of Exercise
It is “EXERCISE” . . .
5-6-7-8 Dancing My Way to a Healthy Me! 