Everything has seemed like this huge massive mountain with the summit miles above, insurmountable. And at times I’ve felt that the sides of that mountain were crashing down around me.
My friends will readily say that I never miss an opportunity for drama or a mini-performance. And, in complete candor, they are mostly right.
However, this time there is no drama, no exaggeration. I can truthfully say that during this past year there were days where something as simple as getting out of bed, showering, doing laundry, or paying a bill seemed to be a herculean task; it was just too much.
Getting healthy is not an easy thing to do and when you feel as I’ve felt over the past few months, well “not easy” can turn into “impossible.” At least mentally. The good news is that things are getting better. Bit by bit progress is being made. And for those of you out there who might be feeling the way I did, well, it really does get better and you can do it. One tiny step at a time.
In a previous post (Getting Healthy is complicated and it takes time… …lots of time! ) I talked about how, when calculating how much time you really have in a week, you will discover that it isn’t as much time as you think. And after you figure out just how little time you actually have you should feel proud of what you did manage to accomplish in a given week, not upset at what still remains to be done.
And in another post (Start of a New Journey…) I spoke about the importance of getting started, even if it is a tiny start. We’ll continue now with that chain of thought with a concrete example:
Well maybe not *THE* worst, as in the worst that can *ever* happen. But at least in terms of living a healthy lifestyle, it has.
Hmmm….Actually, if I’m going to be completely honest with myself, my current fitness level is not the worst it could be. Things can always be worse.
Nonetheless, the situation right now is not a pretty one.
So, let’s get the facts on the table, engage in just a wee bit of self-flagellation, (Don’t you just love that word?!) then we’ll talk just a bit about what happens next.
“The facts ma’am, just the facts…”
I now officially weigh the most I’ve ever weighed. I have the highest body fat percentage that I’ve ever had. I can feel the effects that living an unhealthy lifestyle have produced in my body. The cold hard numbers are: 279.25 lbs / 37.2 % body fat
Ok, I know that some of my kinky friends will quickly jump all over this and say that I really enjoy a bit of self-flagellation but in this case there are no whips or leather involved. 😉 I got to this point by making choices: bad ones. I know that I didn’t wake up one morning and say “Hey, I want to live an unhealthy lifestyle.” It wasn’t one choice. It was many. It didn’t happen overnight. It has taken me years to arrive where I am now. Small choices that I made, tiny actions that I did, have now accumulated over years and produced the unhealthy me that I see in the mirror every morning.
Continuing with the theme that “loosing weight is complicated because life is complicated” let’s look at another of those wildly interconnected facets of life that affects everything, including efforts to get fit and healthy: SLEEP
Sleep… OMG! I would *love* to get a good night’s sleep. It has been years since I slept well on a regular basis; I routinely wake up tired, exhausted, and feeling as if someone has worked me over with a 2×4. I can not seem to get a good night’s sleep.
Yet, everything I read, drives home the importance of getting consistent, restful sleep, especially when you’re trying to improve your health and fitness. Yeh, right. No pun intended, but dream on! Fair warning, this post is about to take you through the backroads of my brain and my life so you’d better brace yourself… …it is likely to be a long, strange and bumpy ride.
After reading a lot about getting a good night’s sleep, being me. I made a list and got to work figuring out what I could do:
- First thing I learned is that being overweight is a contributing cause of poor sleep!
So, let me get this straight… To sleep well I need to loose weight. To loose weight I need to sleep well. Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!! Can we say “downward spiral”? Can we say “Catch-22?” Hmmm??? Makes ya want to snuggle up to a big bowl of oreo cookes, a gallon of milk and say “to hell with it all”. Ok, ok, moving on….
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At my Jenny Craig weigh-in yesterday, I lost 2.2 lbs from the week before. However, my weight at home was pretty much flat. A tiny increase in weight and body fat. That is strange. Usually the loss ration is about the same with my weight at home being a steady 3-4 lbs less than at Jenny Craig, because at Jenny, I wear clothes and at home I don’t when I weigh-in.
This coming week will tell the tale. I go full force onto the Jenny Craig menu, following it exactly, weighing and measuring everything.
Here are this weeks’ charts:
Yep, I thought that might resonate. 🙂 Loosing weight is complicated because life is complicated. Life throws curve balls. And when you are trying to do something as fundamental as “get healthy” it means that every part of your life is either affected by the effort or affects the effort. In other words your whole life changes, not just a tiny bit of it.
Using myself as a case study of one in time management…
Stay with me here, you’re about to follow a chain of thought and interconnections and since this basically is inviting you inside “Tony’s Head” the experience could be frightening. 😉
Step one..the starting point. THE GOAL <drumroll please> is to be fit and healthy. For me, that means loosing weight, becoming more flexible, increasing my cardiovascular capacity, increasing muscle mass.
However, this immediately connects with and to some degree conflicts with other top level goals. I dance. I love to dance. I enjoy competing in dance. To dance requires that I have some disposable income for lessons, practice fees, travel expenses to attend competitions, more cash to pay for my pro’s travel expenses to attend the competitions to dance with me, costumes, and dance shoes.
Which means I need a job. Or a sugar daddy. (The sugar daddy position currently is vacant…applications now being accepted. I think I could easily get used to being a kept man.
Ok, so I need a job not only to pay for my dance habit but to pay other things like food, Read the rest of this entry